Feeling Rejected (And Why It Shouldn’t Bother You)

 

We all want to be liked. That’s just human nature. That goes back to preschool years when we wanted to get picked during Red Rover and wanted to be invited to sleepovers. Everyone wants to be liked by everyone. When you get older, those desires don’t go away.

What about when someone doesn’t like you? What do you do? Here’s the thing … and get ready for it. You might want to sit down for this. 

NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO LIKE YOU

Let that resonate for a second.

Why though? Why wouldn’t everyone like YOU? You are nice. You are smart and funny. You are a wonderful mother and would do anything for anyone. Why wouldn’t people magically gravitate toward you?

One reason is because some people don’t like other successful people. People find that intimidating in some way. Other people might feel like you don’t have much in common. Or maybe they might not feel a connection. Whatever the reason may be, it shouldn’t matter one way or another to you.

I have been friends with … well, let me rephrase that. I have known someone for quite a few years. We met a long time ago through mutual friends, and I thought we had some sort of bond since we seemed to have quite a bit in common. But what was really happening was she was taking great pleasure in letting me know where our relationship really stood with her. If I was ever wrong about a date or my facts were wrong in some way, she was the first to let me know (in a not so nice way). She made sure to let me know if a group of people were getting together and I didn’t know about it. It bothered me for years. I tried asking her about it a few times, but the excuses always pointed back to me.

Then one day I just let it go.

I realized that everything that she directed at me had nothing to do with me but everything to do with her. When I realized that, the smug remarks no longer bothered me. When someone takes the time to make you feel bad, that’s when you have to look past their actions and know that you have nothing to do with it. Energy spent on people who would go out of their way to hurt you is wasted energy. We still talk, but now I just let the “other stuff” roll off of my back.

I will admit, it is hard getting on social media and seeing a group of people that you know out to dinner or at an event without you. That is part of being human. Inclusion is what most of us want in our lives. We want to be well liked and we want camaraderie. When we feel left out, it hurts. It makes us look inward and wonder what WE did wrong. Most of the time, it wasn’t us. Most of the time it was circumstances that we knew nothing about. And if it was us, so what?

There is nothing as frustrating (and time wasting) as trying to get someone to like you. When we seek approval, we aren’t being true to ourselves. We are doing ourselves such a disservice when we tailor ourselves around what others think of us. Move on and rise above it. 

One of the best pieces of advice that I have ever heard is “What people say about you is none of your business.” There is so much truth in that. It really isn’t any of our business. Why? Shouldn’t we care about what others think? No. Because it has nothing to do with us.

Instead we should seek out and nurture those feel-good friendships. The ones where you know that the other person has good intentions. The friendships that are deep-rooted and the ones that really matter. Those are the ones that we need to take advantage of. Give the best of yourself to the ones who give you the best of them. 

Those are the people you should want to do life with.

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