I have never been married. I have parented solo for over two years now, and a silver lining is that I know no differently. I have no clue what it’s like to have someone at the house even some of the time to assist with kid, chores, life, clogged sinks.
And last week as I looked longingly at anniversary trip photos and received another invite to a daytime thing I can’t attend because of work, I had a deep desire to be married … but for all of the wrong reasons. Here they are, in no particular order:
- I want to be able to run errands after my son is asleep. He goes to bed at 7pm. Which.Is.Awesome. But that means I’m home for the night at 7pm. No spouse at home so I can run out to Costco or go get gas or, Heaven forbid, go to Banana Republic to buy some new work clothes! Everything has to happen on lunch breaks or after school pick up with him in tow.
- I would like to shower before church. Or really shower regularly at all… One time things were so desperate on a Sunday morning, I called a neighbor to come over to sit with Henry while I washed my hair. Don’t get me wrong, I could set an alarm and attempt to wake up BEFORE my son, but the few times I have set that 6am alarm … he has decided 6am was a good wake up time himself. Leaving me tired and STILL dirty.
- I want someone else to buy me towels. I never had a registry. I have purchased my own dishes and pots and pans and towels and cutlery and sheets … and I’ve attended dozens of weddings and purchased those same things for OTHER people. Gosh darnit, I want to get married so I can register TOO!
- While on the topic of gifts, I would like a birthday gift or someone to help with a Mother’s Day gift (my parents fill that void as have friends). You get the picture.
- I don’t want to date anymore. Yeah yeah yeah, you have to date your husband. I get it. I don’t want to go on anymore FIRST dates.
- I would love a dual-income household!!! Right now I pay my mortgage, childcare, groceries, bills, gas, everything (no child support). While trying to save for retirement and emergencies and vacation. The thought of another income to help blows my mind.
- So I don’t have to explain to any more strangers that I’m not married. Just this weekend out tailgating, I was chasing around Henry while talking to a friend’s sister who asked “So, where is your husband? What does he do?” “Oh, I’m not married.” “You’re not!?!” “Nope. Just me and Henry.” “Wow! How do you do it?!” Like all moms, “I get it done ’cause that’s the option.” It would be really nice to never have that conversation again.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the little life that I have built for my son and me. I am fiercely independent and have enjoyed managing a household and working and caring for him, but being married sounds really good about now. Just a little backup and support would be welcome, as I attempt to work from home while staring at a backed up sink and slightly flooded kitchen dreaming about new towels and 401k plans.