Expectations are the downfall of my heart. I try not to have them and to just go with the flow, but sometimes, it’s impossible not to have them. Whether it’s expectations of what marriage will be like, or what a job will entail; how your friendships will grow, or, in our case, how our family will grow.
We have a precocious (almost) three-year-old, and we are foster parents. I am constantly told that we need more good foster families (and we do!) and that there are lots of kids waiting to be adopted (there are!).
I expected a house full of kids, always being asked to take more, but that just isn’t the case. We have only had a child in our home for 4 of the 12 months that we have been certified. While I am beyond thrilled that there aren’t any kids who are hurting and needing homes, our family is still just the three of us, and that just isn’t what I expected.
There are times in our lives when we face this dilemma. We are disappointed in the way things are, but we don’t necessarily want the circumstances to be different.
I feel so completely selfish being upset with a healthy child and a good life. I have had to learn, though, that I am allowed to grieve the fact that things didn’t turn out the way I wanted.
I am allowed to feel the disappointment.
It’s okay to cry for the loss.
Other people can know that I am struggling.
But I have to keep hope, and know that our family will be perfect just the way it is- however it is.