I like to lovingly think of myself as a hot mess mom. I roll out of bed every morning way later than I want to admit. My hair is always a mess. I rarely wear makeup. I don’t know how to cook. When I remember to put socks on my kids, they often don’t match. And today, my 2-year-old’s outfit consists of PJs and mismatched shoes. My point is, every day is a struggle and I’m barely surviving this whole “Mom” thing.
Yet every evening, at around 6:30pm, sanity arrives at my house. Daddy comes home from work. My boys are better behaved. My husband cooks dinner. We have family time. And that overwhelming feeling that I live with every second of every day subsides a little. In a world full of craziness, my husband is a calming force.
But this year, we’ve experienced some disturbances with in The Force. My husband has taken two weeklong trips – one for work, one to visit family – and left me home alone with my 2-year-old and 4-year-old boys. He’s also about to take another weeklong work trip in a few weeks. And did I mention I’m a stay-at-home mom and that our closest family is thousands of miles away?
Now, I realize that there are hundreds of thousands of moms whose husbands travel way more frequently than mine does, and that my husband’s two (soon to be three) weeks away from the family is nothing compared to what they go through. I get it. I know that there are military moms and dads who solo parent for months at a time. I also know that there are single parents who take care of their kids all on their own every single day. And I have no idea how they manage to do it.
But remember, I’m a self-described hot mess. I have major depression. I have crippling anxiety. I pop a lot of pills, but I still feel terrible. And I can barely make it through a regular day, one when I know that help is coming soon. So when my husband leaves, I fall apart.
Both times my husband has left this year, I’ve cried out on Facebook for support. I’ve used hashtags like #WheresDaddy and #IsDaddyComingHomeYet as I update friends and family about the chaos going on in our house. The cold hot dogs for breakfast. The PJ wearing all day long. The huge messes that accumulate throughout the house. The lack of showers. And just that desperate feeling that I can’t make it through another minute without my husband’s help. Most of my friends think these Facebook posts are funny. I don’t know if they realize just how honest they truly are.
With Father’s Day coming up, I’ve been thinking a lot about how to express to my husband just how much he means to me. We’re not gift-givers, so there’s nothing I can buy him to show him my gratitude. I already do my best to tell him “I love you” every day. So I guess this simple little post will have to suffice. Baby, if you’re reading this, know that you are the glue that keeps our family together. And as crazy as our lives are, I wouldn’t want it any other way.