I’m a mom to 5-year-old and 2-year-old boys and a stepmom to 15-year-old and 13-year-old boys. Yep, that’s right. I live in a big ole house of testosterone. My husband and I are done having babies. He’s had a vasectomy, and that ship has sailed far, far away.
Most days, I’m fine with our decision to end procreating. After all, it was my mental health that caused us to make the decision to not have any more children (I had severe postpartum depression after the birth of both of my boys and was advised by my doctor not to have any more kids). But somedays, there are moments in which I can’t help but feel a little sadness in knowing that I’ll never have a daughter.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my boys to death, and I wouldn’t trade a single thing about them for anything. And I’m totally a “boy mom.” I like to get dirty. I like to run around outside and be silly. And I like playing cars and monster trucks and airplanes and outer space.
But all that girl stuff is just so, well, it’s just so darn cute! The big southern bows. The smocks. The frilly dresses. The pants with the ruffle bottoms. It’s probably a good thing I don’t have a girl because I’d go broke buying her clothes!
And then there’s the toys. The baby dolls. The Barbie dolls. The doll houses. The tea sets. The dress up Disney princess dresses. It all just seems so fun and whimsical and magical. And I’ll never get to experience it.
We try to be very open with our boys, and I don’t mind if they play with what is traditionally considered a “girl” toy. But the thing is, my boys are 100% boys. They’re not even interested in anything remotely girl-related. Well, I take that back. My 5-year-old did go through a phase where he liked watching The Little Mermaid, so I got to sing “Part of Your World” on a daily basis for about two weeks straight. That was fun.
But in all seriousness, knowing that I’ll never raise a daughter is something that I had to grieve. And I don’t think I’m alone in this. There are thousands of moms out there with either only children or same sex children who for one reason or another are not going to add any more kids to their families. And just because we may feel a little sad some times that we’ll never have a girl or a boy, doesn’t mean we aren’t thankful for the families that we do have.
I’m currently pregnant with our second boy and last planned child. While I’m perfectly okay with not RAISING a girl (my goodness, the drama), I’m a little sad about not having an adult relationship with a daughter. My relationship with my mom is such a good thing in my life. I hope my boys (and their future spouses) like hanging/shopping with me.