Momming Ain’t Easy {Living with Depression}

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Sometimes this whole Mom thing can be really hard! I’ve blogged before about what it’s like to be a mom living with depression, and let me tell you, it’s really been dragging me down lately. One of the classic symptoms of depression is a lack of interest in things you used to enjoy. And lately I’ve had a severe lack of interest in doing just about anything.

This lack of interest makes my days especially hard, since I’m a stay at home mom. I have 4-year-old and 2-year-old boys, and they pretty much demand my constant attention and interaction. Sadly, I’ve been unsuccessful at teaching the oldest the art of independent play, which means they both want Mama all day, every day. The thing is, all I want is a break. But I just can’t seem to get one.

They say you should pray without ceasing, and I find myself doing that constantly. I pray that I stay occupied. I pray that I stay entertained. I pray that, for once, I’ll enjoy my day. But even still, I can’t help but notice that the minutes on the clock seem to pass by soooo slowly, and the little ones around me need more and more of me than I’m sure I have available to give.

So I try to play another game of Cooties. Or go on another walk around the block. Or read another book. And just stay mindful of the moments that I have with them. I know that while the time seems to slip away slowly, that it’s really going by too fast. My boys have already grown up so much, and I miss the days when they were little itty bitty babies. Before I know it, I’m going to have a kindergartner whom I only see for a few hours a day. And I’m going to miss these moments that I have right now. These moments that seem so hard and unbearable today are going to be the exact same moments I’m going to wish I could have back.

I know I’m breaking a lot of “Mom Rules” by writing this post. We’re supposed to be happy all the time. We’re supposed to genuinely enjoy the time we have with our children. We’re not supposed to complain. But the thing is, I know I’m not alone. I know I’m not the only mom who is struggling to make it through the monotony of everyday life. And if you’re like me, and you’re at your wits’ end trying to make it through every day, I want you to know that you’re not the only one.

If you’d like to connect with me on Facebook, I have a private, secret Facebook group (that won’t show up on your Facebook profile) for moms with postpartum depression. Even if you don’t think you have PPD, it’s a place to come together with other moms and share your struggles. Just Facebook message Karen Tantzen and I will add you to the group. Let’s support one another!

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