I Promise I Don’t Love My Daughter More

I am the proud mom of three. I have two boys and one girl. My boys are bookends, and my girl is sandwiched right in the middle. (Birth order struggles) No, seriously it’s quite a perfect order for me. 

I love all of my babies.

They each bring something unique to our family, but it seems I favor hanging out with my daughter more. {gasp!} 

I honestly wasn’t aware until one day, I was looking through my Instagram and noticed my daughter and I had significantly more pictures than my boys and me. I became a little worried (the perfectionist mom that I am) that I wasn’t giving the boys enough attention. I started to think of how the world must think I don’t love my boys. I mean, in the movement of “boy moms,” I felt all the mom shame. 

I started taking the boys with me more often to run errands and tried to wrestle them down to watch tv with me more frequently. This was a drastic mistake! My boys hate Fixer Upper and Hallmark. They do NOT love going to the mall for leisurely shopping or coffee shops to have great talks. (My daughter loves these things.) I realized that most of the time I spend with my boys, we are doing things that they like. Active things. They move much faster and just don’t pause for photo ops very often. My daughter and I; however, will find joy in a pint of ice cream and Fixer Upper reruns. The mall gives us LIFE! We don’t go more than a couple hours without taking a selfie when we are together. It’s just the nature of our relationship. 

I have accepted that social media may never know the depths of my relationship with my boys. And that’s just fine. I connect with my teen in deep meaningful life talks and quick basketball games. For my toddler, it’s our frequent snuggles and daily games of 20 questions. (Never met a child with more questions.)

To the world, it may seem I love my daughter more because that’s the reality they see. But I’m okay with knowing for myself, that all my children are getting what they need, from the mom THEY need.

I am enough for each of them.

3 Responses to I Promise I Don’t Love My Daughter More

  1. Janèsa Richardson September 6, 2017 at 10:02 pm #

    This was so moving! I loved every single word you out together from beginning to end.

    • Nikyla September 7, 2017 at 10:24 pm #

      Thanks so much!!

  2. Rachel September 7, 2017 at 10:25 pm #

    This was an excellent read… social media paints a picture that we tend to just believe… but this brought me back to reality that there is real life beyond social media…

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