“Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?”
For me, these vows that we took 7 years ago mean that we are in it for the long haul, together, a team. We’ve been doing life together for 14 years now; we should be experts on each other, but marriage is hard. Every single day, I wake up and decide to be a loving wife to my husband. Every single day, I remind myself that HE is who I chose to be in a relationship with and to honor and love. Every year, we have something that comes up that tests us – from illness to school choices for our children and every detail of life in between. Together, we make it work, but it takes constant work from each of us.
I remember when we first got married, someone told us that marriage wasn’t 50/50; that was divorce – marriage is 100/100 and that if each spouse gave 100% all the time, we would be just fine. I had no idea then just how true this statement was. It takes both of us giving to our marriage. From arranging date nights to family scheduling. How we do it in our house is we divide and conquer.
In my opinion, what ruins marriages is the idea that one thing or another is ONE person’s “job.” When in reality, everything we do should be something we do as a family. Now, don’t get me wrong. I know that there are things you and your spouse agree on that will be your responsibility or your spouse’s, but the mindset should be WE need to get this done. Also, even if there is something that you always handle, your spouse should be in the know.
Let’s use the example of finances. Most of the couples I speak with have one spouse or the other who handles their day to day finances … inclusive of budgeting, paying monthly bills and deciding amounts to pay each month towards debt. However, a short “touch base meeting” to show your spouse where you are financially will make a huge difference. That way it is OUR financial goals, and not your financial goals.
All in all, I want you to remember that your to-do list is really our to-do list, and we are a team. As a team and as a family, we are constantly working together. One of my favorite quotes is from Barbara De Angelis ::
“Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.”