There was a time in my life when I used to say things that made some sort of sense – a time, pre-children when I could finish a thought uninterrupted and not stop mid-thought to tell my child to get something OUT OF YOUR MOUTH RIGHT NOW. I realize that a lot of the things that come out of my mouth these days sound downright crazy.
But the truth is that sometimes being a parent
of a toddler means that “There’s a sentence I never thought I would say!” crosses my mind on a regular basis. I’ve polled a few friends and some of our contributors with the question, “What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever said to your child?”
Here are some of my favorites … names withheld to protect the guilty!
What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever said to your child?
From the moms of older kids:
- You’re going to eat a bite of those peas, and you better not throw up. Just chase it with a little water.
- Why do you want to watch someone give birth?
- Why are your stuffed animals facing the wall? Are they punished?
- Stop crying over the bump line in your socks. Children in Africa would love to have those socks.
- Yes, I’m going to sit right behind you in the movie theater.
The crazy statements that defy being categorized:
- Stop growling at your father.
- We don’t glue cheese to the fireplace.
- Get the chicken out of the house! [And this little gem could have come from a surprising number of my mom friends!]
- You may not play on my phone while I’m naked.
- You better not be running around naked outside while the neighbors are in their yard!
- Please stop brushing your teeth with your shoe.
I’m sensing a trend here …
- Don’t put your fingers in your brother’s mouth. He might bite you!
- Why is the baby eating your feet?
- We don’t chew Momma’s sandals.
- Please stop licking the bottom of your shoes.
- Stop eating your hair.
- Don’t eat Mommy’s hair.
- We don’t eat furniture!
- Stop licking Daddy’s shirt.
- Please don’t lick the dog.
- Did you just lick that?
And it turns out that Moms have bathroom humor, too.
- Yes, your poop does look like a robot.
- No, Daddy is different … you cannot stand up to pee! Sit back down!
- You cannot turn and talk to me while peeing!
- Boys! Stop sword fighting while you’re using the bathroom! Only one person can pee pee at a time!
And finally, my personal favorite:
- You can’t have any candy until you eat all of your donut … I mean breakfast.