Congratulations, you just had a baby!
You’re smitten with that sweet girl — oh, it’s a boy? Gotcha that precious baby boy! Enjoy those newborn coos & all the baby snuggles because in the midst of it all, your pregnancy side effects aren’t over just yet! Here are four postpartum experiences only your closest friends will talk about.
Here’s the thing. Carrying that beautiful bundle of joy comes with all kind of side effects: morning sickness, cravings, weight gain, & hemorrhoids. But once that baby is born, the meds (If you chose to use that magical concoction) wear off, you have to go to the bathroom. This is a process, no matter HOW you birthed that precious watermelon (vaginal or cesarean), going to the bathroom is a process. First your nurses will be ALL up in your junk and they’ll introduce you to the peri-bottle. This is where you fall in love with your nurses, trust me. Next step, pooping. Y’all. This may be the most traumatic part of the whole birthing experience! Aside from the kid messing with all your organs, birth is a major trauma to your body, Now you have to strain to poop?!? Believe me, by the time it happens, you’ll want to name your first poop.
Somethings to help? HYDRATE, hydrate, hydrate. All your P fruits help with poop, eat them! (Pears, peaches, prunes, & plums). Warm apple sauce & warm apple juice will be your friend. Really, most warm beverages will help: hot tea in particular. Chia seeds, I put them in apple sauce, on top of salads, they’re ultimately tasteless, so I sprinkled them on everything.
When you’re in the hospital, they’re going to give you pads the size of Alaska. Silky, soft cloud pads. They don’t sell these bad boys in stores (but the do on Amazon!) Again, no matter how you birth, you’re about to bleed like you’ve never bled before. Store bought pads just don’t cut it. Their plastic-y coating is irritating and leaves a lot to be desired. Stock up on the ginormo-pads in the hospital and go ahead and order some from amazon, your lady bits will thank you.
Remember how amazing your hair got during pregnancy? Thick and flowy-enough to make Fabio green with envy! Well, it’s all about to leave. During pregnancy you don’t lose much hair, but postpartum, it falls out en masse. Your shower is about to look like a Wookiee & big foot just made love in there. I’m talking clumps of hair molting off your body. It will feel like you’re going bald, but I promise it slows back down after awhile.
Now that you’ve lost all that hair, you’re in the clear right?? Nice try, sister! Now it’s time for new growth. That’s the fancy cosmetologist way of saying you’re going to have baby hairs growing in. Mine come in as untamable flyaways around my crown. It’s insane really. I had another friend whose new growth came in like faux mutton chop side burns. Everyone’s come in a bit differently, but again, they’ll tame and your hair will have a new normal.
So there you have it, friends, all the lovely after effects no one wants to talk about. Have you experienced any of these? What’s your advice for dealing with postpartum changes? What surprised you the most after pregnancy?