“Hey ya’ll!” is one of my famous phrases besides the ol’ “Bless your heart!” I would consider myself an extrovert, not afraid to meet new people and talk to you about your life in a checkout line. Ask me anything. I promise I will not turn my head. Being a Southerner puts an extra spin on the whole extrovert personality concept, but I am also very good at being an introvert.
Outwardly, I appear to always be an extrovert. Easy-going and love being a part of groups and gatherings. It is when it comes to the emotional aspect that I shut down. I believe we all have some sort of characteristic similar to this when it comes to our emotions.
Now, I am not as much an introvert when it comes to being a ‘mama bear.’ Mess with my kids and you will awaken the ‘mama bear’ inside of me. Y’all, I am not even playing. You all have been warned. Outside of this, I become an introvert. I will hide every inch of my emotional status until I eventually crumble and cannot take any more. I will grin and smile with the best of them, as if everything is right in the world.
The emotional introvert.
Becoming an emotional introvert has nothing to do with me being worried what the rest of the world will think or due to the fear of being judged for ‘feeling a certain way.’ It is more of a coping mechanism for me. It is almost like I am afraid to be sad. I am afraid to truly let go and feel the hurt and pain that comes with this world we live in. I would much rather bury it deep within than allow it to be noticed or acknowledged.
The thought of considering anything sad is so hard for me to grasp. Why do we ever have to feel sad? This is obviously not the most healthy of choices, but it is how I have learned to deal with life as it came to me. I have taught myself by hiding my emotions, I can continue to go throughout my day without a hiccup.
This all started at a very young age. I am not sure if I can blame it all on a father who wasn’t present for majority of my childhood, my parent’s divorce when I was only 6, or just my personality in and of itself. No matter what the reason, it is who I am today. I have found it to be a great advantage as a mother. I am capable of keeping it together as I go about my motherly duties. It is when the kids go to bed that the flood gates are allowed to open.
What scares me the most about being an emotional introvert is if my kids pick up on it. I hope that my emotional introvert self doesn’t rub off onto my children. I hope they come to me and express all their worries, fears, and anxieties. Having my children know that letting it all out on the table is a healthy way of expressing their emotions, and I am here to help clear the table.