It’s that time of the year again…
Maintaining a clean house
This is a tough one because the organization of my brain is directly related to my environment. Regardless of what is going on in my life, I feel like I’ve got it together if my house is in order. The problem is that catering to this part of my neurosis has caused areas of my life that mean more to me to suffer. Instead of playing with my girls on the weekend, I’m charging from room to room barking orders to clean up messes. Instead of asking my husband about his day, I’m complaining that our house is disgusting. Unfortunately, hiring someone to clean the house is not in our budget right now. So until then, I’m
Hating my waistline
I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life. The only thing that kept me from feeling like a total blob was that my waist always stayed small … until I had kids. I don’t think I need to go into the details of what a midsection looks like after having three babies in less than three years, so I won’t. Barring a surgical procedure (see budgetary constraints above), this is me for the rest of my life. High-waisted pants and flowy tops have become my uniform. I’m a mom of three children, and my husband thinks I’m hot. I’m done feeling ashamed of my perpetually “five months along” belly.
Caring what people think
My childhood and early adult years were plagued with concern over how I was seen by others. I would hastily make, or even delay making, decisions based on this concern, and I would love a do-over now that I don’t give a you know what. Since time travel is not an option (see budgetary constraints above), I’m just going to have to let go of the past and focus on what I can control now. I have a masters degree that I have no intention of using and a job that wouldn’t have been my first choice, but I get summers off with my girls and inch closer to realizing my true passion every day.
Feeling guilty for finding my happy
For the past five and a half years, I have been either pregnant, feeding infants around the clock, or in the needy toddler trenches. Things that made me happy or defined me as a person were no longer a priority, and I was okay with it for the most part. Now that my twins are three years old, I’m starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. And once they are fully potty-trained (Hallelujah!), I will not feel an ounce of guilt leaving all three of my kids with my husband or a babysitter. It is officially time to find my happy. We are buying season tickets for LSU football, and I signed up to be part of a Mardi Gras krewe. Next thing you know, I’ll be saying yes to a last minute invitation for drinks on a Tuesday. (JK … That’s never going to happen. See above mentioned three kids, aged 5 and under.)
Stressing about money
I have a mantra that I say to myself every time I get bogged down by finances. “If my only problem is money, then I don’t really have a problem.” It’s time for me to start believing it. I have healthy children, a husband that loves and supports me, and an amazing network of friends and family. I have no problems. I used to think my husband and I were cursed with even-stevens karma when it came to money. Every time we get a little extra, something comes up that we need it for. Now, I realize it is a blessing that we always have exactly what we need.
I have to admit this list, like most of my spring cleaning lists, is more of a wish list. I’ve housed these worries and cares with me for so long that they will be hard to throw out by the curb. I’ve got my list, though, so that’s a start.